The pea under the mattress

My hands are shaking. There is a creeping sensation that won't go away. It feels like I want to get to something. But, as of now, is unattainable. The wanting is always there. But, time seems to be my enemy. I can't seem to find the time. In retrospect, time is of abundance. But, how to make it slow down is the question. How do they do it?

The word "but" seems to be the re-occurring word or thought. Does it mean I'm undecisive? Or is it a bad excuse för not achieving?